I want to …

… quit. My last 2 miles yesterday, I wanted to quit. As I got to the lovely shelter, I wanted to quit. While chatting w nice section hikers around the toasty fire, I wanted to quit. As I used the wobbly smelly privy before bed, I wanted to quit. When I woke to a glorious golden morning, I marveled at the beauty but still I wanted to quit.

It 6.8 mi to the next shelter and its already 10:30am. At my speed, I won’t get there till 6pm. This should be easy by now and it’s not.

I miss my family. I miss my friends. I miss my dog. I miss my community. Being such a slow hiker, all groups pass me by. I don’t have a hiking family. Is this another Lesson in being alone? ๐Ÿ˜ฅ

The sunshine is welcomed and warm as I sit at the crazy tilted cement picnic table. I hear the rushing stream downhill, a woodpecker off in the distance, and the slight rustle of wind stirring the leaves. Along the way there will be 2 places w cars/ parking … and potentially a ride into town.

Will I still want to quit?

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28 thoughts on “I want to …

  1. Debra Gillenwaters

    Perhaps you will, so what? You have nothing to prove to anyone. There are things we can do and enjoy. LIfe is short, if upon reflection this hike is not yours, then make a decision for yourself that is right and good. Your friends will understand, those that do not, well are they your friends?
    Perhaps you will not want to quit. Perhaps you will find solace in your surroundings and decide it is worth it and you want to push on, so what? Is that the better decision? Only you know the answer to that question.

    For me, the choice was made. Even after over four decades of dreaming about thru hiking, I will be a section hiker. I have nothing to prove to anyone, but I do not want to miss the chance to see places I have dreamed of. That will be my hike. Quite frankly, fuck anyone that does not understand that.

    Reply
  2. Gina Liscotti

    This is normal Chica. Just part of the learning curve. Your feelings are normal. It’s been a month. You’ve had some crappy weather. You need to quit obsessing about your gear and the weight of your pack and just walk! I saw you lift and sling that pack on! You are plenty strong enough to carry 45 (self correcting!) lbs. It’s not about your gear or food or pace you hike. Things are starting to get quiet in your head! Just let it go Sweetie. Observe those thoughts and feelings…. Then just watch them pass. Don’t jump on the train with them. Feelings aren’t facts. Whether you finish the trail is irrelevant. What does matter is you finish the journey. Don’t make a decision based on a fleeting feeling. Love yourself enough to accept you are exactly where you are supposed to be. Feelings and all. Much love and encouragement Bunny. I understand you are having a hard time right now. It will pass. Besides…. No Guts No Glory! Get on that trail and walk! โค

    Reply
  3. Nisey

    Look what you have accomplished; how many obstacles you have overcome. I hope you see that you have already won.

    Reply
  4. Geo

    How do you feel now? Kari and I support you whether you stop or go. This is all you. No judgement. None. We wish you a good moment wherever you are in your day when you read this.

    Reply
  5. Dawn

    Stay in the moment focusing only on taking one more step. You’re doing great, Bunny. You can do this. One step at a time.

    Reply
  6. Mark

    First, hiker families are over rated. You meet so many different, wonderful people if you “hike your own hike” somewhat independently (not necessarily always alone). Second, of course it’s your hike, but be daring. Enjoy the spring as the trail comes alive, you won’t regret it. You don’t have to do the whole trail (I didn’t), but give yourself 400-500 miles, you won’t ever regret it. Essayons…

    Reply
  7. quilteresq

    Hey, Bunny – I’m sitting here at home wishing I was back there – but also reading blog posts about the miserable weather. I also have a miserable cold, probably because I got on the damned airplane. I’m sewing some new gear – a fleece sweater and I fixed my fleece pants, which apparently had some pretty tired elastic in the waist. Not too many folks go at my rate either. Just enjoy. And don’t quit on a bad day. Give it a few days.

    Reply
    1. justbunny Post author

      Paula, it’s not at all miserable weather right now! I slept last night in a sheltered area at a gap and didn’t even need to sleep in my down coat or wool socks!

      Got really relaxed and unstressed too ๐Ÿ™‚

      Reply
  8. Glynn

    Stay the course,,,YOUR course, whatever that may be. If you decide to push on, that then becomes your course and if you decide to stop that is also YOUR course. While you are allowing all of us to live vicariously through you, it isn’t our journey. Search your heart, mind and soul and you will find the right answer. Whatever you decide to do, we all support your journey.

    Regards,

    Glynn

    Reply
  9. Mrs Joy

    It doesn’t get easy. That’s one of the lessons. But the trail teaches you to take each moment as it comes, which makes it seem easier.

    I’m a slow hiker and watched a ton of people hike away from me on my through. It was hard. But a lot of them I saw again – they’d take a zero and I’d pass them, or they’d have to go to a wedding, or whatever. You will see people again.

    I think you need a day off, clean clothes, and some fattening food.

    Reply
    1. justbunny Post author

      It really doesn’t ever get easy, does it? no matter how *fit* I become, it’s still not going to be EASY. I’ll just do longer days.

      ๐Ÿ™‚

      Reply
      1. storm

        Agreed with Mrs Joy, your body just gets used to the abuse and allows for bigger days. Each day will be hard for one reason or another: rocks, rain, emotions, etc. But some days will be so magical that you don’t realize how hard it is! Don’t rush the big miles either, it took me till somewhere in VA to hike a 20 miler.

  10. Jennifer Ball

    You will do want YOU need to do. It is YOUR hike remember that. Your friends and family will support you. Please remember you are truly not alone. You have many many wonderful people with you every step of the way supporting and loving you. You are an amazing strong amazon warrior no matter what choices you make.

    Reply
  11. millie Pankow

    Jennifer Ball just said what I would have said. You’re already a winner and my shero. I just want to see you at fest.

    Reply
  12. StrayNoMore

    Personally, I hope you don’t because I am selfishly enjoying your posts. You are not alone. This journey that you are on is merely a chapter in your life. Your life will resume when you are ready.

    No shame in quitting though, maybe these are the steps that your journey is suppose to take and only these steps. You have endured the worst weather. Beginning with today, I think spring is actually getting here. late but finally.

    Reply
  13. techdevil3

    Almost all…. (if not 100%) of all the great true life stories I’ve read, lives of famous and very inspirational people, include more than one moment in which this person we look up to wanted to quit. It was a momentous struggling to continue on the paths they had chosen, because dammit they missed family, they didn’t think they were cut out for something so big, they were just plain exhausted – whatever it was, they freakin wanted to quit. Don’t you think maybe you are being a bit hard on yourself for feeling the way basically everyone feels at some point during a difficult time? What matters is what you do about it….. I would think that should you be able to complete this particular journey, it will be that much sweeter knowing you had an opportunity to quit any time but chose to press on. Even in the Almighty Bible so often quoted as a weapon….. Jesus has a big moment where he wanted to quit, and kept asking his “Father” why me??? So cut yourself some friggin slack and maybe try to be silly a little more often and just take it section by section. Or by each bend in the path if you have to.

    Always pulling for you friend. โค

    Reply
      1. techdevil3

        Whatever pops into your head silly ๐Ÿ™‚ โค this isn't English Composition class ya know…. "Oh I saw this gorgeous little stream and it made me happy!" "I will never ever take my bathroom for granted again.." stream of consciousness writing is interesting to read, just as much as a previously thought out subject matter that is structured and less A.D.D…. "squirrel!!" Heheheh. Love you friend, everything about this journey is fascinating, it doesn't always have to be something profound to share ๐Ÿ™‚ let more joy in, take silly pictures, you are such a source of light and simple happiness…. please don't lose that ๐Ÿ˜‰

  14. Jules Burroughs

    Hi Bunny! Jules from wild and white blazing! Just wanted to let you know how inspiring your journey has been to me. Me well and you I think we would make great hiking partners. Ya see I am slow as well. 8.5 to 10 miles a day is probably about my max and I have often been hard on myself because I am not able to keep up with most everyone else out there. What I have found thou is that I am just hardheaded and stubborn enough to keep pushing this broken body of mine down yet another trail. And I even have the audacity to believe that I might one day get on that AT and just keep on going until I cannot go anymore. I would love to meet up with you and do some hiking. I know it sounds like you are at a critical decision point with your hike. I cannot imagine how hard it must have been and is for you out there everyday, so I will not insult you by encouraging you to keep on going. You already have accomplished more than most ever will and you should be incredibly proud of what you have done. What I am saying is is that if you are still out there the last week in April when I can get away for a few days, I would be honored to come track you down for support and some white blazing!

    Reply
  15. Diane Gilmore Saunders

    Bunny I wish I could hop in my car and jump on the trail with you. I’d show you what a slow hiker is!!! You’ve gotten great advice from everyone. You know how many people love you and support you. What a great opportunity you have!!! You’ll do the right thing. And we’ll all still support you whatever it is.

    Reply
  16. Jennifer Ball

    I saw this today and thought of you… I hope this finds you peace ๐Ÿ˜‰

    โ€œTruth be told, you donโ€™t need experience. Or an 18 pound pack. Or a lifecoach. Or a guide, or a slack service. You donโ€™t need training or Patagucci clothing. You donโ€™t need hiking poles, a manager, maildrops, or a smartphone.

    Hereโ€™s what you need: Willpower.

    And cheese. Youโ€™ll probably need some cheese.โ€ -Jester

    Reply
  17. Dawn Hamilton (M&M)

    What made you decide to hike the trail Bunny? You said you have wanted it for about 30 years. What are some of the reasons you have wanted it for so long. Maybe take some time to see if those reasons are still powerful enough to get you through this. If not, so be it. You will get so you can do a few more miles after awhile. As the days get longer and warmer that will make it a little easier to do more miles. Nobody will think any less of you if you decide to quit. But before you do, take a day to reflect on why you are out there in the first place.

    Reply
  18. Courtney Dagenhart

    Bunny, I’ve just read through your blog entries and wanted to say WOW! You are one brave, strong, awesome Amazon! I am so impressed and inspired. Big warm hugs to you, sister. Can’t wait to meet you and give you one in person. You rock! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply

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