Rocky Days …

So today was a rough day in a lot of ways. So much to be grateful for… The trail angel giving us a ride to the gap we needed to start from the winds were not nearly as bad as they were yesterday. Which was brutal! I had pleasant hiking companion my own age. Hiking some of these trails it’s really hard. It’s the backpack it’s my weight; it’s my age. it’s the terrain. I really only have a hard time going uphill and some of the very steep downhills I have to be careful of. But this morning was just so so hard and I wanted nothing more than to be in bed and roll over into my lover’s arms. That’s not going to happen anytime soon. Actually it might never happen again… And that horrible unknown is well… Horrible. I don’t deal so well with unknown things. I always say that if I know what to expect can deal with anything. Anything. It’s when I don’t know what’s going on and I’m in the dark, when I’m clueless. Those are the times that I don’t deal so well. Fact is there are unknowns in life. There are unknowns in love. There are unknowns on the trail. I hate that! So much of my life has felt like it’s been on shaky ground. I need something solid. And I think that’s one reason why I’m hiking this trail.… I need to be able to count on myself. No one else can give me that solid ground. I have to find it or make it on my own.
And ego… This trail! When it hit me how much this trail is about ego! Why not do something shorter than this? Why why why bite of something so so big? I could’ve done the Benton McKay trail. Or the Camino. Or the local FingerLakes Trail! No… it HAD to be the Appalachian Trail and it’s 2183 miles.
Wow! None of this is what I was planning on saying in my blog today! But it’s been the stuff on my mind all day as I’ve been hiking.


10 thoughts on “Rocky Days …

  1. Jan F Walsh DVM

    But you did choose this and you are doing it and you will do it all. You wanted/needed/called this in to perhaps show you that the unknown can be a good thing. That when one learns to go with the flow, a certain rigidity drops away. A lightness of being which allows one to step into the emptiness and KNOW you will land safely despite not knowing how or when. Look at the pictures of yourself that you have posted. The joy exudes from your pores despite the hardships.

  2. Drum Mama Sue

    It’s a challenge…a big lofty goal…that in your heart of hearts you know you are capable of …it’s a huge unknown to take a step at a time…trusting and knowing yourself as you do… knowing it will require all you are and more…and yet you choose minute by minute to explore and accept right where you are now living life this minute. I applaud you and this journey you are taking.

  3. Geo

    Way to share and be honest and real. Do u have a bruise on your bum? I mean bun? Hee wow…the unknown. You nailed it. It’s everything in life…
    Way to just hang in there and find your way.

  4. Debra Gillenwaters

    To be there for anyone else you need to be there for yourself first. Learning to count on yourself and still have compassion for others is the trick. It does become easier to trust yourself and your judgement. This hike is breaking it all down for you, giving you clarity. There are good days ahead, you are building the foundation for those days.

  5. Michelle Nicodemus

    You always seem to strike a chord…to read your raw words, to see through your eyes…there is nothing we cant do when our minds are set…luv u Bunny

  6. techdevil3

    *Big warm bear hug* You got this. You also have a hell of a lot of people who love the crap out of you pushing you forward as well.

  7. Carrie

    Bunny, it sounds like this moment, this is what you need…And I hope that you find some peace and solace out on the Trail. We all love you and are routing for you. I think as you continue on this journey you are going to be blown away by the things you learn about yourself.

    xoxo ~ Carrie


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